Warrior insight

What meaning do we give to words? Is there an energy with that meaning?

Unusually for me, I’ve listened to 2 podcasts this morning (as well as 2 at the weekend).

My (soon to be) published author friend

Emma Simpson

was interviewed by the fabulous

Rachel Katz

. Their conversation around the challenges that we face with chronic ill health and the messages that we share with our loved ones inspired me so much that I (finally) listened to my own recording from earlier this year.

I’d also love to celebrate this emotional win with you…the part in their conversation where Emma shares what happened in her marriage at the point of crisis moved me so much that tears rolled down my cheeks. If you know me, you’ll know I really struggle with crying. I don’t often do it. Even though I know that it is both an opportunity to heal and release. It is healthy. Essential even. And yet…I struggle.

It also turns out that I came across super well in the conversation I had with Rachel and am so proud of all that I shared, how I (tried my best to) deliver it and the message that I was able to communicate.

Proud…like a peacock. (Photo by Viktoriia Kondratiuk on Unsplash)

Anyway, on the back of all that, here I am writing and I really don’t know what’s going to come out next. I want to write about what I wish others knew about life lived with chronic illness. I want to write about the struggle of slowing down. But for longer than that, I’ve wanted to write about words and their meaning. Wondering, do I even dare bring up the insight that the meaning we give to words also has an energy to go with it?

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As I was making myself a cup of hot cacoa, because, well, it was the only way to tear myself away from my phone screen, I was pondering the word warrior and how so many of us associate this with fight. Of giving, of pushing, of forcing. (Or is that the energy that goes with it?)

This thought process led on to how we look at and consider everything as singular. As though there is only one meaning, one word, one thing, one solution, one answer.

What really prompted me to sit down and write this piece today instead of turning my grandparents love story into a piece I feel worthy will win the competition I’m entering (closing date 2 weeks) and of course, is what I really should be doing, is that the word warrior conjured up several other words and gave the word an increased depth to its meaning. To me in any case.

• Warrior strength

• Warrior light

• Warrior grit

• Warrior passion

• Warrior determination

• Warrior insight

• Warrior foresight

  

  I can’t wait for the day I get the artwork for Warrior Within. A Warrior Woman who has unearthed balance but what else? (Photo by Tingey wInjury Law Firm on Unsplash)

It has occurred to me this year that I’ve never shared with you, dear reader, what the word warrior means to me. Nor where or how I came up with the page name Warrior Within.

I work a lot with energy – or at least I’m playing around in that field, enjoying it, becoming curious about it, seeing what life from this perspective has to offer (I’ve seen the flip side, and I became very ill). In working with energy more recently, I’ve been blasting through subconscious blocks. Not around fear, anger, sadness and judgement. I’ve spent the last few years uncovering those feelings! But on love and enjoyment.  Who’d have thought there be blocks there?

As part of this energy work, I’m working on the energy of my page, my writings, what I share with you. The energy I give to it, the energy that you receive from it. The blocks to visibility that I have.

In the early stages, Warrior Within was a connection I made to what happened to me after I “woke up” to the seriousness of the illness I’d been living with for 20 years. During this time of disability, alongside an awakening process, I tapped into a strength I never knew existed. A determination that, quite frankly, in the years of severe mental ill health leading up to this time, I wished I no longer had.

But what else is a warrior if not a fighter? Getting up for me was often a battle. I simply didn’t want to be here. In all this pain, entrenched in all this suffering.  At one time, it felt like I took on the fight for my life. But now I realise that what happened is that I took back radical ownership of it. The daily battle I was facing was a war I’d created within myself. One part of me at conflict with another part of myself. Unseen, unheard, unacknowledged.

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At this point in my journey, I did not want to take on the fight with the healthcare service that I eventually discovered was not there to support my health. Treat it, yes. Save my life – wonderful (thank you). Help me create that which I so desperately wanted, desperately needed? No.

Choosing not to take on this fight was not about giving up either. It was about taking back the reigns. Taking back the reigns of creation for my own life, my own health (something I talk about with Rachel Katz in the Women’s illness Library).

It came to be about bearing witness to myself. Understanding my needs. Acknowledging I had them. How it was leaving me feeling with them not being met.

So, to me a warrior is not about fighting. It is not about winning or losing.

The opposite of not fighting is not giving in.

It’s about exploring what is going on within – hence why I call my page Warrior Within. Reaching the depths of the previously unexplored, the previously untold, the previously unknown. Unearthing expansion, a story being shared and the truth becoming known. Mainly through the darkness of the shadows coming out into the light.  

There’s a lot more light in my life now. But at one time there was only dark. (Photo by farfar on Unsplash)

One of the bigger surprises to me about connecting with my inner warrior was that there was a power to it. An inner power. Not the greed and power that we relate to in the external world. But a power, a force to bring about and make much needed change. A power to strengthen my inner reserve. A pilot light that was waiting there all along to be fuelled and sparked and ignited. A place of belief – which, for me was that

“I matter. My health matters”.

Here, within this power, you find truth, clarity, expression, wisdom.

Once you connect to your own inner power, you don’t need anyone else to tell you what to do. You don’t need to take action from a place of think, should, it connects you to your own inner resource of knowing. That’s what comes from standing in your own inner power. It’s powerful.

And I guess this is what I mean when it comes to talking about unleashing the warrior within. There may be a fighter in its spirit to go along with the inner strength, determination and power. But there is also clarity, wisdom and freedom. It is unlimited as much as it is untapped. An infinite resource.

When you unleash the warrior within or, in this case, click subscribe - or upgrade and join us as we connect to the warrior within and Heal Through Writing every Monday - you don’t take on the fight for your life. It is my hope that you feel empowered to take back radical ownership of it.

I’m not here to tell you what to do, I didn’t create this page to show you that my way is the only way and that what I’ve done is what you should do too. I’m here to share with you the one thing that I never had, the one thing that I needed most desperately. That one thing was support. Only just as the meaning behind the word warrior is no singular meaning, the meaning to the word support isn’t either.

In the end, it turned out that the support I needed was help in

• Slowing down

• Learning to validate and listen to myself

• Feeling my way forward

• Trusting that things will work out

• Tuning into next steps

• Exploring healing from a whole body, whole person (holistic) perspective

• Knowing what I want

• Connecting with true purpose

• Experiencing joy and ultimately in

• Finding peace

My vision on a personal level is full health and vibrant energy.

My vision for this community is for us to unite together, stand strong and help one another to our feet as we do.

There’s some artwork coming on this vision I have in my mind’s eye too. (Photo by Duy Pham on Unsplash)

My vision for the world is global healing. For which I believe I am here to hold space for and facilitate.

Whether you

• read my posts

• connect with me on notes

• join us every Monday to heal through writing

• embark on the journey of The Warrior’s Path or

• visit me in person

I am here to guide, support and teach. Something that I am only able to do as a result of connecting to the warrior within.