3 years ago, I sat down to create a journal based on a set of my early journals. A practice I began in 2016. One that I later went on to describe as a tool that saved my life.
Months before, I’d been guided to revisit my journals. I had so much resistance to digging them out because I knew the dire mental state I was in at the time, how dark times were and how desperate I felt.
By the time I did feel ready and was able to review them, I was shocked to discover that although I was at the lowest point a human could be mentally, it appeared I knew exactly what I was talking about and how to keep myself aligned with what I wanted. Even though times were so desperate, bleak and hard.
I’d written down quotes, notes from TED Talks which I remember listening to to keep myself sane, inspired and motivated. There were also updates on my days, insights and completed practices that I’d come across in my research on psychology, migraine, chronic pain and wellbeing.
For a long while, I’d occasionally longed to have a journal like Anne Frank that could be turned into a best-selling book.
I’d had my mind on creating a journal for the previous year or so. Though interestingly had resigned to telling myself that many such journals would already exist and that there would be nothing different about mine to any other out there.
Do you find yourself repeating the same message?
It turns out, once I did settle myself down to do some research, a journal beyond the basics of a migraine attack does not exist. Let me know if you know any different.
3 years ago last month I went on to create a draft journal, based on all the practices I’d leant in to in my first few journals.
So far I’ve had 3 sets of eyes on it. Some of the early feedback was to include a journal to document migraine attacks in the journal. Though it is intentional that I haven’t included that in this one. I agree it is important that we track our attacks, the greatest breakthroughs for me were around documenting how I was feeling emotionally before, during and after attack. This was when I noticed patterns that went beyond triggers and took me deeper and deeper into root cause. Linked to my menstrual cycle and the moon (or for those who don’t menstruate, the moon cycle).
How do you track your migraine attacks? What do you note about each one?
When it came to creating this journal, I had the first draft crafted in one weekend. Unfortunately, I became deeply triggered by an insight I’d missed in the writing of my memoir around the same time I created my first draft. I couldn’t return to book writing or the drafting or publishing of any kind for a full year. In the case of Migraine & Me: The Journal, one year became 2 then 3!
The end of last year was the first time I reviewed the first draft. I surprised myself with how much work I’ve already done on it and how pleased I am with it.
Initial feedback from the publishers was that there is something special about this journal. It has a feel that it will deliver on its promises. A confidence that shines through in its language.
Apparently there are many journals in the market that make big promises but don’t always quite deliver.
What has been your experience with buying journals that promise more of what it is that you want?
The reason that my confidence shines through in the language is that I have done the work. I’ve researched the work that I’ve done for many hours, days, weeks, months over the years. I’ve put into practice what I’ve researched from the darkest most abysmal challenged and painful depths of my human self.
Not only have I done the work, researched what I’ve done first but I’ve proved it works. I am very confident in what I have collated, compiled and pieced together for you.
There is nothing else like it that exists.
It has helped tremendously to receive this feedback from my publishers, for my efforts to be witnessed and to know that they stand out for all the reasons I intend it too.
Migraine & Me initially was to be a memoir. Only that turned out to be the book before the book. What I was left with in the end of that part of the book writing, Hay House proposal submitting, in many ways gruelling journey, was 8 pieces of writing that AI spat out the greatest compliments for.
Leaving me with the idea of interspersing them throughout the journal.
Only to find that guess what? They each fit beautifully.
With these and other significant updates, I have come to realise that this is SO MUCH MORE than a journal.
It is a resource that has carried me through the darkest times, supporting me from every angle as I learned to become my own best friend and cheer leader.
Holding me through the loss of my life as I knew it.
Validating the enormity of what I was enduring.
Making the invisible aspects of myself visible.
Better enabling me to acknowledge, believe and trust in the dire situation I found myself in.
The biggest insight that I’ve had in updating drafts 2 and 3 is that this masterpiece came to form the bulk of the support I desperately needed.
I’m already on to producing draft 4 and I can tell I’ve been piling on the pressure. The protective part of myself is telling me I must have it done by this date. It must be published by the time I go to The Migraine Trust event in January (any readers in England going to that one?).
The repercussion of which is migraine pain and my body communicating to me in no uncertain terms (in the form of symptoms) that this is not a sustainable way to approach this. I must continue on as I have been doing, working in flow, striking a balance and continuing to prioritise my health as I have been doing for the past near 7 years.
Wanting to birth this creation into the world does not change that. I must not compromise my values. What I have now realised to be a companion, guide and journal will be born in its own time, in accordance with divine timing and not on any me-made-up timeline.
Do let me know if you’ll be attending The Migraine Trust event in January. It’s in East Yorkshire on Saturday January 25th (the day before my birthday). Maybe we can have a Substack union?
So far, one of the most frequent questions readers have is in respect of where to start when it comes to journaling and what to write. Its one of the reasons my posts often have thought-provoking prompts at the end that take you into deeper reflection.
This journal has been part of my vision for a long time, for over 4 years at least. Do you have a book vision? What is that you want to create?
Psst
Tomorrow morning (GMT) we’ll be back up and running with some gentle Healing Through Writing. A space together that we have co-created. A community where all masks are off. We show up as we are and because we don’t need to explain - we are immediately surrounded by others who get it - we often dive deep into the nitty gritty of the insights we are gleaning from a life lived with chronic illness before we open the space, ground through meditation and write in a sacred and held container. Join us? You are welcome to receive a complimentary session at any time of your choosing.
On Thursday, we will gather together in circle again. This time for Free to Be Me. This donation based offering is for those of you who are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, perhaps not sure which way to turn. The uncertainty that you may be feeling likely comes with a niggle that there must be another way, has to be. Do you find yourself needing support but are not sure what kind? If you are open to new ways of being and new ways of seeing, we’d love you to meet with us. We start at 12noon (GMT), you can save your space here.
What does free to be me mean to you?
Omg! Please don't tell me your birthday is 26th Jan?! If so mine is too!! 😯🥰💫
So inspiring to read your journey ~ thank you so much ❤️