Warrior Weekly: The Return After 3 Month Break
What’s going on right now in real time.
Took a 2-week break. Turned 2 months. Turned into questioning is 3 hours on one piece a week a good use of my time? Turns out, this piece is for me and that means yes, yes it is a good use of my time. Sharing with you insights so often missed in the day to day, the highs and the lows. Complete with thought-provoking (potentially even life-changing) prompts for you at the end. See you in the comments?
Monday – slow morning. Laid in bed reading even though I’m staying over at someone else’s house. New friend I met in a car park earlier this year. She later told me how she loved that I was honouring myself and need for rest.
Welcomed a new member into our Healing Through Writing space. I’d like to do an update post on how this is going. In a nutshell, we all agree that this is a great way to start our week every week.
Meandering my way around the North East this week and spent the afternoon skill-swapping. I channelled an “aching for beauty and belonging” on the right-hand side of my ribs at the back. Adjacent to a “fear of beauty” along the left-hand side of my ribs. Discovering we have here an imbalance in the body which presents itself as an inflamed part when activated and finds its way to manifesting some way in my life.
An insight and understanding that will now enable me to open up to a sense of beauty and a feeling of belonging without feeling scared of it.
What are you aching for? What underlying fear do you have in relation to this aching/yearning deep within?
Tuesday – head not so good last night. Really kicked in on the drive up to my cousin’s in Edinburgh. Felt like I could pull it back with some rest and I did (I remember all the years this was not the case).
Walked ten mins to enjoy some breakfast with my new book, Hagitude whilst cousin at work. Utterly done in from such a short walk. Fell asleep during meditation on return, woke up an hour later with head not so good again.
Have you read Sharon Blackie’s book on reimagining the second half of life? What are you reading/listening to right now?
Wednesday – return trip back to the North East, gently wondering what is going on with my head? It’s been 3 days this week, a few last week, one the week before. This is an increase to the most its been for over a year, probably nearer 2.
As mild as it is, this is my new normal. And whilst all I feel is rubbish, shitty and rather unpleasant - vs brutal, like I’m dying or wish I were dead or wondering how the hell am I still alive – my old norm for 24 years is more than 2 years behind me now. I know that I can improve this further and yet something is calling for my attention. That improvement isn’t quite happening in the way that I know it can.
A couple of further channelled messages in the form of questions came through from the other day – what am I chasing? Why am I chasing it?
I’d already felt a big connection to the expansive energy and it already being here (since the summer solstice) and that the work, for me, is done. Time to take a break, sit back and relax. Allow it all to come in. Yet, here I am in a chasing energy, going against the flow and creating imbalance. Showing up in my world as chasing this treatment, chasing that thing to do, chasing plans and being there for others - more than for myself.
What are you chasing? Why are you chasing it?
What is your relationship with allowing? How do you allow more of what you want to come into your life? In what ways do you allow the freedom and space for that to happen?
Thursday – woke up in my own bed. Glad I made the decision to come home from my trip early. I need to bring it back, both in health and balance, in body and mind. Realign with my soul. It’s been telling me “the work is done, take a rest”. But what does this look like in day to day life for me? Who am I when I am not working (even if that has switched to inner work in more recent years)? Surely I’ll still be working, on my path, on my mission, on my purpose, on myself? What work stays and what work goes?
Today, I need to process what I’ve discovered on a mental level on a deeper level. Yesterday, I saw a visual of a path in my mind’s eye. One path lit up into the known, one darkened into the unknown. Clarity struck at the same time
“choose the writer’s path”
9am writing class. I either write morning pages or don’t attend at all. Too easy to overdo it. Bringing it back means making it all about me right now.
Nothing prepared me for the breakthrough that was to come. I’ve long since known I am to create a deck of cards, but with no insight as to what they might be, how I might form them. It was revealed during writing my morning pages that the insights, realisations and revelations that I’ve been recording in my journal (even back when I didn’t realise that’s what I was doing) are in some way to be used as inspiration for a deck of cards. I can see them in all sorts of shades of blues. Maybe they’ll come to life sooner than I think?
Friday – New Moon alignment session with
who supports emerging visionaries. She’s been helping me identify my current block to visibility, the cause of it and how to heal as well as overcome it. This was the first meet up of its kind in addition to that and I’d love to see Katie offer this coworking session as part of her membership space on here. For the first time, I received clarity on who I’m here to support;I am here to serve those of us that live with invisible illness who are in the process of waking up to what they know to be true.
She also helped me identify the purpose of the Healing Through Writing circle I first launched in Spring. This space is for aspiring authors to
show up as they are
learn how to live a life of full self-expression
feel supported in the journey of sharing their story
rewrite their story
Not bad for a morning’s work. After tackling a few of the supportive practices that also came through with it, I felt a huge shift in energy later that afternoon. Feeling hopeful about my energy to dance my way through the afternoon tomorrow. Set a boundary with friends that I’d drive us there for 2:30pm and if I was lucky, might make it to 8pm though I may have to leave earlier given the week I’ve had. Felt better for setting clear expectations.
Saturday – Took me hours to get to sleep last night. Luckily, I relaxed alongside healing meditations and music for much of it and rested that way instead.
9am hair apt to get my hair trimmed and styled into plaits and space buns. Started to get kiddy as a kipper, the hairdresser did such a good job! Finished getting ready with friends which I always loved as part of going “out out” which I did most weekends back in my old life. The line up was phenomenal and instead of the clouds and showers that were forecast, the sun came out and the atmosphere as well as DJs and crowds that made it were on fire.
I had way more energy than I would’ve thought, we all had the best time and I made it to 9:30pm in the end (it finished at 10:30pm but I no longer push or press on, it doesn’t serve me or help me improve my health in any way. I have to listen to my body to know when enough is enough).
Sunday - laughed so much in bed with my friend the next morning, I had tears streaming down my face. I don’t miss binge drinking AT ALL and yet still have the best time, minus the aftermath.
To top my weekend off, the Mr came home after over a fortnight away to Florida with his teenage son. Just like I did this weekend, they had the very best time, explored all the theme parks and managed not to get swept away in the torrential downpours that were a frequent part of their once in a lifetime experience.
Space for reflection
My greatest passion is to help others who live with chronic illness find their voice. Part of the work I do around this is to ask thought-provoking questions. Choose one or two below and let’s chat about what’s come up for you in the comments?
What one activity do you spend hours on each week that’s more for you than anyone else? Do you question whether its worth it?
What are you aching for? What underlying fear do you have in relation to this aching/yearning deep within?
Have you read Sharon Blackie’s book on reimagining the second half of life? What are you reading/listening to right now?
What are you chasing? Why are you chasing it?
What is your relationship with allowing?
Behind the paywall: I’ll bring these prompts to our Healing Through Writing space in the morning for those occasions where we need inspired ideas on what to write about. Join us? Here’s what to expect when you do.
A Yoga Class for Writers
My previous post shared with you a brief overview of my own journey with healing through writing. Along with my intention and desire to take you on a journey towards living a life of full self-expression. From Monday, we will come together in online space Healing Through Writing.
You look fabulous, Amber! Love the hairdo and face glitter. I know how you look doesn’t always align with how you feel, but it looks like you had fun and that’s something.
I am currently reading No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz. It’s on Internal Family Systems work (known colloquially as “parts” work). It is helping me realize what my exile and protector parts are and the role they play in illness and recovery. Also good for me to read as I head toward doing therapy and coaching work in the future.
Love this - and love to see your smiling face and awesome glitter!
I’ve wrestled with the question of “is 3 hours on this article worth it” so many times since launching my substack. But like you - the writing is healing for me. I’m obviously thrilled when others read and find it valuable - but even if no one did … the act of writing it out is still incredibly joyful and important. Thank you for articulating that.