A is for Altruistic Behaviours
Part 3 of healing acronym, heAdache
Part 3 following
H for Health First
E for Eating Anti-inflammatory Foods
The other year I recorded a mini podcast on What Altruism Means To Me, you can listen to that here.
What does altruism mean to you?
Here, I’m talking about altruism in the sense of gratitude, giving back/doing for others, kindness and compassion.
With the added extra value of directing kindness and compassion inwards, giving and doing towards ourselves as well as others.
To give an example of that, shortly after I retrained to offer a mobile beauty service so that I could work around illness, I began to do a day’s volunteer work for a charity organisation called Smell The Roses. For a day a term, I carried out a different massage or beauty service to parents/carers of children who are impaired in some way and/or have additional needs.
One morning a month I also volunteered for a women’s mental health provision at the end of my street.
This really helped improve my confidence at a time where I was returning to work after only just breaking the chronic pain cycle and was still living with chronic fatigue.
Giving to others and donating my time without expecting anything in return helped me feel good about myself. I felt like I was making a difference.
It also helped me feel less alone with my own physical, mental and emotional struggles.
Post pandemic, I now share all aspects of my story in an open, real and raw way. Weekly posts, blogs and podcasts are free and accessible to anyone with a smart phone and the internet.
There is a wealth of information, insight, inspired ideas, what I did, how I did it, where I’ve been, changes I’ve made, what you might come to expect and a ton of education on migraine starting to come through.
This is a phenomenal resource for anyone with chronic health challenges, mental health struggles or for anyone looking to make changes in their life for the benefit of their health, healing and happiness.
All this comes from a place of altruism and is so my learning the hard way means you don’t have to.
Studies have shown that being aware of your own acts of kindness and the things you are grateful for improves your sense of wellbeing and can increase feelings of happiness, optimism and satisfaction, as well as help us balance our hormones.
During the 3rd UK lockdown, I started writing a gratitude list before I went to sleep every night. I regularly wrote 10 things down which were essentially bullet points of my day from beginning to end. Less on the days I was the most challenged. None on the days I was bedbound.
Sometimes you see 3 things recommended, but even one or 2 is enough to make a difference in your life when you can.
This practice made a big difference in my life and I found myself becoming more grateful throughout the day. Over time, it became a more natural state of being. Leading to me feeling happier and finding I’m attracting more of the things I do want (hello blue skies and sunshine) and less of the things I don’t.
One surprise benefit is that it has also helped improve my memory. The benefits of practicing gratitude are endless.
The kindness and compassion aspect of altruistic behaviours has been a challenge in some ways to me and not others. Showing kindness and compassion to others I’ve found comes more easily. I’ve lived all my life not wanting others to experience or feel what I have and I go out of my way to make sure that they don’t.
One of my greatest challenges has been to show kindness and compassion to myself.
A practice I started by writing a letter to myself as though I were writing to a friend. Though it was super challenging at first, it did get easier to write as I went on.
Over time I read and re-read the letter to myself until I started to believe the words of kindness over perpetually berating and beating myself up mentally.
I started to realise the connection between telling myself I hadn’t done enough and wasn’t good enough and the surge in attacks I was experiencing.
I still find this an uneasy practice at times (ok a lot of the time!). Yet, I return to it and am able to affirm at the onset of each attack that “I’ve done enough”.
On an incremental basis, I’ve found it decrease severity in pain and duration of attack over time, all whilst reducing symptoms too.
Anything that has this effect on my health and wellbeing I continue as a practice. Even though there are times I find it challenging.
One final point I want to make in respect of altruistic behaviours is about balance, is about sustainability.
We are living in times where we are all too often telling ourselves and believing we should be doing more, giving more and being more of ourselves than we already are.
It’s been said to me that all my healing treatments and retreat days should be free, because I am utilising natural gifts and am being in service to others.
I feel this supports our cultural narrative that - especially as women - it is our responsibility to take care of everyone around us. That our self-worth is wrapped up in self-sacrifice and over-giving. And to do so without even considering and meeting our own needs.
Taking care of ourselves is often seen as selfish, greedy or wrong. Be that physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and/or financially.
As part of being a healthy human, we do have needs in each of these areas. As part of our health and wellbeing, it is not only important that we take care of these needs, its essential.
When it comes to the world’s resources, including food and money, we have all the research, evidence and data to show that there is more than enough for everyone. For everyone. To me that tells me that it isn’t that there isn’t enough, but it’s down to how we distribute such abundance of resources on a collective scale.
With any altruistic behaviour I encourage you not to pursue any behaviour or act that is to the detriment of your physical, mental, emotional, spiritual or financial wellbeing. Rather, to adopt a win/win approach where both parties benefit, ensuring that there is balance along with a sustainable approach.
Imagine the type of world we would live in if we were all able to do that?
Pause for reflection
I’ll see if I can dig the letter I wrote to myself and type it up share it here. If you were to write a letter to yourself as though you were writing to a friend, what would you say?
What does sustainability mean to you? What does it look/feel like?
How do you know what enough is?
In what ways do you give back at the same time as giving to yourself?
12 Chapters update with
In the last couple of weeks I’ve experienced a major breakthrough with the second book I am in the process of publishing. In that I’ve brought together this healing acronym along with other elements I’ve not yet written about. In doing so, I’ve created a 4 Phase Healing and Growth Model for which this forms one aspect of.
Once you are able to see it all together, you will be able to identify exactly where you’re at, better understand why you’re doing what you’re doing, know where you’re going and not only what to do next but how to do it!
On the back of the magnitude of work that is going on with my book behind the scenes, I missed sharing this piece for April last month so the next instalment will follow next week. Who knows, I might even be able to get a wriggle on and post them more frequently than monthly? I’ve been forever hoping!
Have your read my first book?
Writing a letter to yourself is such a good idea! I'd love to read yours if you can find it x