Warrior Weekly: Getting to the root of what’s hindering.

A magnitude of healing, growth and integration.

Most Sundays I share with you my week at a peak. The highs, the lows, the insights. Thought-provoking prompts at the end.

This one’s a little longer than previous, perhaps split it into 2 readings, or skip to the end and I’ll see you in the comments?

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Monday – the grounding meditation I start our Healing Through Writing circle with put me in touch with the tension in my neck this morning.

Shamanic healing treatment with Tasha Ponton who I’ve been introduced to on Linked In this year. Starting with a beautiful cacao ceremony, I set the intention to find out what (from past lives) is hindering me from achieving and manifesting my vision and going after my dreams.

An incredible session connecting me with a few insights from my own past, enlightening to see how history continues to repeat itself until the cycle is broken.

Some areas that have been and were hindering me include:

• Entrapment

• Control

• Subjugation

• Sucking of life force

• Not feeling safe in my own power

• Abuse and disregard of the feminine

• Belief that “I can’t”

Luckily these are big areas I’ve been working on, particularly this year.

Head not so good this aft.

The other year, when I asked migraine to present itself as a symbol (during meditation), a tulip appeared. (Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash)

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Tuesday – all the tension gone from yesterday.

Monthly Retreat With Me experience with deeply relaxing and rejuvenating facial before a 2^nd client for full bodywork channelling later the same day at my home in 7 Lakes. Very tired and super low on energy between sessions.

Managed to sleep for about 45mins between clients, lots of processing on a deep and subconscious level at the same time. Couldn’t remember any of it after and pretty certain its connected to yesterday’s healing.

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Wednesday – packed for short trip to Italy with the girls in readiness for next week. Lots of emerging visionary journaling and a visibility review. Washing done, home (relatively) tidy and clean (the complete opposite of how it used to be in autumn/winter week for me). Feeling productive but also mindful that I’m in autumn week, period is due any day. A time for slowing down, making sure the fridge is fully stocked and focussing inward.

Lost all phone service and internet connection mid online yoga session. Luckily, I got what I needed and the niggle that was going on in the top of my back was no more. One of the EE masts seems to go down across the country park about once a year here and I rely on all my internet for it. At the same time, it does me good to have a break from it.

Journaled my way through the journal section of my new e-book (Unleashing My Inner Power: Daring to Dream and Flying Fearless) to make sure it flows from one prompt to the other. Also, a great way to pipe down my inner critic that told me people will feedback I’m not qualified enough to teach others how to step into their own inner power, dare to dream and fly fearless. The beauty of standing firm in your own inner power is that you cannot be so easily manipulated or bent into any mould that isn’t meant for you.

Saw 3 stoats on one of 2 walks today. Noticed I was feeling happy in between colouring, reading and not having any ability to use my phone. It feels MUCH easier to rest, do nothing and allow myself to have no plans. There was a time that it was easier to be bedbound ill than it was to slow down to such an extent I had to stop, close down my work diary, say no multiple times a week and give myself permission to rest, rest and more rest. I used to feel so incredibly frustrated. Now I feel happy and I know that my health only continues to benefit.

What feels easier than rest, saying no and pausing to a standstill for you?

For many years I used to feel a shadow of my former self. Now I feel healthy, whole and vibrant. (Photo by Martino Pietropoli on Unsplash)

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Thursday – been ruminating LOADS. Both last night and this morning. Unusually for me these days, I couldn’t meditate so knew I felt uncomfortable and unsafe in my body. Tried my best to pull it back with some yoga, breathwork and the very uncomfortable and challenging process of connecting with and writing down my feelings.

Here’s what came out of this morning’s journaling:

1.      How am I feeling emotionally?

• Obsessive

• Defensive

• Critical

• Unseen

• Unheard

• Disconnected (from self and others)

• Controlling

• Wanting to avoid people pleasing and over-explaining

Am I trying to fix? How can I meet others where they’re at? How can I meet myself where I’m at?

What’s going on in my body?

I’m in autumn week. There’s a dip of oestrogen in my hormones. Very close to period starting.

Is this creating a sense of unease, of imbalance, of fear?

What am I fearing? How I will be perceived by others. How can I be ok with how others see me?

Noticing myself wanting to react in the same energy I’m absorbing.

2.      How am I feeling in my body?

Tension in the mid to top of my back into my neck. Hips have been enjoying hip circles/movement.

3.      How can I support how I feel both in my body and emotionally?

Move. Yoga. Ground.

Stay connected.

Know that it’s ok to have things to do. Trust all will be taken care of.

Ask self “what energy do I want to be in?”

Remind self “it doesn’t really matter what you do sometimes, it matters what you do most of the time”.

Came on my period around lunchtime. Other than tiredness on Tuesday, ruminating overnight, tension in my body a couple of days this week and one spot on my ear, I have no other symptoms. (I used to lose 2.5 weeks a month to severe illness, experience dozens of symptoms across 2 migraine attacks and lived this way for years.)

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Friday – slow morning. Reading in bed. Head subtly not so good. Its mainly tension up the back of my neck and into head (something I wouldn’t even notice in the decades I lived where I numbed out and ignored what was going on in my body). Floatation tank therapy felt like good timing. Had a tasty chilli for tea and watched a film.

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Saturday – woke up from a reoccurring dream about work. Only for the first time in the 6 years since I’ve been dreaming about the work I no longer do, I no longer worked at the same place. I was at a new place, in a new home and in community with others. Feeling hopeful about possibility. In my dream, I pulled a card from an actual Alice in Wonderland deck I have at home but haven’t yet used (it came out as the 5 (queen) of hearts) predicting a delightful day (or so I was intuiting in my dream).

This is a special and momentous dream for me to have at this time in my menstrual cycle. The exact same one used to be me not doing enough, believing I should’ve done more. Internally beating myself up in this way eventually led to my wondering at the correlation between this and the severe pain/symptoms I would be experiencing at the time of such dreams.

A couple of years ago, I wrote a letter to work and received healing in the form of dreams overnight. Eventually this reoccurring dream moved on to me being at work with insight and understanding to how seriously unwell I was but nobody else having any clue.

It’s been 6 years since I left a job and career that I sacrificed so much of myself for that it cost me my relationship, 18 months later I had a mental breakdown and 18 months following that I found myself completely disabled by illness with no mortgage insurance, no sick pay and no immediate family to help. It’s been a long road.

Breakfast at our friend, Elle’s café. Gorgeous walk around Eastrington Nature Reserve. Our He-man and She-ra (the princess of power!) outfits arrived for fancy dress house party we’re going to next month. We sure had fun trying those on – they look AWESOME! A home-made curry and another film. Went to bed wondering what’s in store now I’ve mentally and subconsciously caught up to my new reality of being in a new place, new home, that is one of community, hope and possibility. It sure has been a delightful day.

I typed in the word “delightful” and more tulips came up. (Photo by Earl Wilcox on Unsplash)

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Sunday – learned a new word on

Roi Shternin

Shternin’s podcast interview with

michelle Irving

today (have you seen it?); somatisation (ever heard of it?). Roi described it as thoughts that create symptoms and how mystifying this is to understand. I love this guy’s work, check him out if you aren’t familiar already. (Hoping to be interviewed by him myself at some point.)

It left me wondering how somatisation ties in with my week. Have I become aware of, observed with compassion, processed my thoughts and recreated neural pathways in my brain to such an extent that symptoms are now all but gone (in the main)?  I wasn’t even aware I was on the path of recreating neural pathways to my brain until my healing coach explained it to me one day – 3 years ago. I was 3 years in to learning to let my body lead, listening for its cues, its guidance, its next steps at the time and this was the path it had led me down (along with reducing inflammation in my body, rebalancing my hormones, relearning to nostril breath, regular bodywork, regulating my emotions, reintegrating my inner child – the list goes on, the payoffs big). 6 years on (last month) and this is where I am now.

I still remember seeing pictures of brain scans on the BBC news in the late 90’s stating this wasn’t possible. So many of the books I’ve read - teaching me the way - were written before or only slightly after this time. What does this say of what is known and unknown? When we so often hear “more research required”, how much more than what is already available to us do we need? Why is there SO MUCH conflict between the mainstream media (combined with the medical system) and what has already been known when looking at health from a whole body, whole person perspective (for many decades and centuries)?

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Space for reflection

My greatest passion is to help others who live with chronic illness find their voice. Part of the work I do around this is to ask thought-provoking questions. Choose one or two below and let’s chat about what’s come up for you in the comments?

1. When you ask your illness/dis-ease to present itself as a symbol during meditation, what symbol appears?

2. What feels easier than rest, saying no and pausing to a standstill for you?

3. 4 part prompts to take with you into each new day or week:

   1. How do you feel in your body? How can you support how your body feels?

   2. How do you feel emotionally? How can you support how you feel emotionally?

   3. What are the main thoughts you are experiencing today?

   4. What does your loving voice need to hear?

4. What reoccurring dream do you keep having? In what way does this change over time? What is it trying to teach you, show you, tell you?

5. Consider writing a no-send letter to work. See what comes through in your dreams following.

6. What is the most mystifying thing about where you are with your illness?

   Behind the paywall: I’ll bring these prompts to our Healing Through Writing space in the morning for those occasions where we need inspired ideas on what to write about. Join us? Here’s what to expect when you do: