The first time I have gone public about a breakdown I had 7 years ago. I was in the worst place a person can be mentally, so you may want to skip this one if today's not the day for the such reading.
Hi Amber, thank you so much for sharing this and being so honest and open. I'm so sorry to hear about the physical and mental pain you've endured. As you say, everything is temporary, and this is something I really need to remember when things get tough!
You’re welcome, thanks so much for reading 🙏🤩 the last time I had a cluster attack (which kick started a massive health relapse in 2020), it was a client friend who happened to reach out to me and say “it’ll pass”. It was a complete game changer to remind myself of this at times I should have taken myself to hospital and was able to contemplate that home in my comfy bed out of the bright lights and misunderstanding doctors was the best place for me. Would love to hear if it helps you too x
Yes, I completely agree. For me, the place of doctors was in getting a diagnosis (after years of trying different doctors and finally finding a private gynaecologist who understood my situation) and getting a treatment plan. But every month, my period still makes me feel like absolute sh*t and I fall down a dark hole. Looking after myself at these times is paramount, and like you say, realising that it will pass. It always does. But it's hard to remember that in the depths of despair! x
I needed the diagnosis too. And the confirmation that they had no interest in helping me get to root cause nor that they were going to provide me with the support that I so desperately needed. (Up until this point I put my complete trust and faith in that this is what they were there for). I realised under their care I was actually only becoming increasingly more and more disabled. I’m sorry to hear you experience this every single month. I lost 2.5 wks a month (6 days bedbound in severe/agonising pain).this happened every month for years. I chose an unauthodox path and definitely played the long game, but doing what you are doing (prioritising health and looking after self first and foremost) and learning to rebalance my hormones/ deep healing has (eventually) transformed this. What’s possible for me, is possible for you.😘
Thank you, Amber. Yes, can't remember if I mentioned in a previous thread that I have premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) - a severe form of PMS. It physically holds me back due to the impact on my mental health, but my resulting poor mental health as a consequence also holds me back, if that makes any sense! The shame and hatred towards myself when I've "let others down" due to my monthly low mood's impact on them. I feel I drain other people, and it's not fair to them......... Still a lot of healing and positive self-talk to work on!!
Completely agree - I now plan things around my monthly cycle too, it's quite empowering to put myself first and realise that I'm attending to my own needs before others.
It’s all such a journey isn’t it? Though I am devastated and saddened to hear the extent of what you live with, what you say makes such sense. I imagine PMDD is entirely debilitating and a very dark and heavy time for you. And the resulting poor mental health on the back of it - I hear you. I would experience an agonising attack preperiod which would trigger anxiety over the impending 2nd severe attack post period which would always follow, then I’d be left depressed. I had a lot of fear over letting others down (and fear of missing out too!!). So though our experiences and conditions are very different, I feel a lot of resonance and similarities with what you’re saying.
Yes, same - guilt that I've let people down, or upset them unnecessarily (as two days later I might be on top of the world again and feel like I've endured a storm in a teacup! But on those dark days, I would reach out for help, so I felt I was stuck in a horrible loop of hurting/worrying others just because of my mood swings), and again, the same - fear that I've missed out on stuff, or not been able to give my best to a situation. Sigh! Thank you for the above post, I will take a look :-)
Holy wowzer girl! Is this your best writing yet??! I literally have shivers!!
I connect so much with the feeling of desperation and thoughtless idiots not hearing our cries for help, or even worse saying ridiculously idiotic things. What was he thinking? Or not thinking by the sounds of things. As I’ve heard said in other words, suicidal ideations are less about going to the other side but ending the pain, whatever that pain is.
Holy crap how far you’ve come mentally and physically since then. And I know so much of your story, but this one just hit different.
Ha ha thanks so much! 🙏 I can’t believe we have a medical
System where doctors get paid so much and can get away with what they say to us. It beggars belief how far I’ve come. In a world where we limit ourselves so much by telling the majority that this isn’t even possible. Oh yes, this is going on my book!
We are only as good as our best belief, or a saying along those lines haha 😆 Having seen what you’re capable of, we truly are limiting ourselves!
It’s honestly shocking doctors can say this, I’d like to try and empathise with the doctors - over worked, limited resources, lack of education, a system designed to stop us dying not for quality of life... But what he said to you was a human speaking to another desperate human, and job title aside it’s disgusting.
So true about the beliefs! An area I have a special interest in. Our beliefs play a more powerful part in our health and wellness (or lack thereof) than we realise.
As for the doctor, it highlights the complete lack of awareness and dire state of our healthcare system. The money that is spent in apts like these could surely be spent in others ways🤷🏼♀️
Hi Amber, thank you so much for sharing this and being so honest and open. I'm so sorry to hear about the physical and mental pain you've endured. As you say, everything is temporary, and this is something I really need to remember when things get tough!
You’re welcome, thanks so much for reading 🙏🤩 the last time I had a cluster attack (which kick started a massive health relapse in 2020), it was a client friend who happened to reach out to me and say “it’ll pass”. It was a complete game changer to remind myself of this at times I should have taken myself to hospital and was able to contemplate that home in my comfy bed out of the bright lights and misunderstanding doctors was the best place for me. Would love to hear if it helps you too x
Yes, I completely agree. For me, the place of doctors was in getting a diagnosis (after years of trying different doctors and finally finding a private gynaecologist who understood my situation) and getting a treatment plan. But every month, my period still makes me feel like absolute sh*t and I fall down a dark hole. Looking after myself at these times is paramount, and like you say, realising that it will pass. It always does. But it's hard to remember that in the depths of despair! x
And you’re absolutely right, remembering in our times of despair is a practice and then some.
I needed the diagnosis too. And the confirmation that they had no interest in helping me get to root cause nor that they were going to provide me with the support that I so desperately needed. (Up until this point I put my complete trust and faith in that this is what they were there for). I realised under their care I was actually only becoming increasingly more and more disabled. I’m sorry to hear you experience this every single month. I lost 2.5 wks a month (6 days bedbound in severe/agonising pain).this happened every month for years. I chose an unauthodox path and definitely played the long game, but doing what you are doing (prioritising health and looking after self first and foremost) and learning to rebalance my hormones/ deep healing has (eventually) transformed this. What’s possible for me, is possible for you.😘
Thank you, Amber. Yes, can't remember if I mentioned in a previous thread that I have premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) - a severe form of PMS. It physically holds me back due to the impact on my mental health, but my resulting poor mental health as a consequence also holds me back, if that makes any sense! The shame and hatred towards myself when I've "let others down" due to my monthly low mood's impact on them. I feel I drain other people, and it's not fair to them......... Still a lot of healing and positive self-talk to work on!!
You might this popular post that I wrote Amy, called “say no” 😘
https://www.instagram.com/p/CVyBlqlouaS/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
Completely agree - I now plan things around my monthly cycle too, it's quite empowering to put myself first and realise that I'm attending to my own needs before others.
It’s all such a journey isn’t it? Though I am devastated and saddened to hear the extent of what you live with, what you say makes such sense. I imagine PMDD is entirely debilitating and a very dark and heavy time for you. And the resulting poor mental health on the back of it - I hear you. I would experience an agonising attack preperiod which would trigger anxiety over the impending 2nd severe attack post period which would always follow, then I’d be left depressed. I had a lot of fear over letting others down (and fear of missing out too!!). So though our experiences and conditions are very different, I feel a lot of resonance and similarities with what you’re saying.
Yes, same - guilt that I've let people down, or upset them unnecessarily (as two days later I might be on top of the world again and feel like I've endured a storm in a teacup! But on those dark days, I would reach out for help, so I felt I was stuck in a horrible loop of hurting/worrying others just because of my mood swings), and again, the same - fear that I've missed out on stuff, or not been able to give my best to a situation. Sigh! Thank you for the above post, I will take a look :-)
Holy wowzer girl! Is this your best writing yet??! I literally have shivers!!
I connect so much with the feeling of desperation and thoughtless idiots not hearing our cries for help, or even worse saying ridiculously idiotic things. What was he thinking? Or not thinking by the sounds of things. As I’ve heard said in other words, suicidal ideations are less about going to the other side but ending the pain, whatever that pain is.
Holy crap how far you’ve come mentally and physically since then. And I know so much of your story, but this one just hit different.
This is going in the book right?
Ha ha thanks so much! 🙏 I can’t believe we have a medical
System where doctors get paid so much and can get away with what they say to us. It beggars belief how far I’ve come. In a world where we limit ourselves so much by telling the majority that this isn’t even possible. Oh yes, this is going on my book!
We are only as good as our best belief, or a saying along those lines haha 😆 Having seen what you’re capable of, we truly are limiting ourselves!
It’s honestly shocking doctors can say this, I’d like to try and empathise with the doctors - over worked, limited resources, lack of education, a system designed to stop us dying not for quality of life... But what he said to you was a human speaking to another desperate human, and job title aside it’s disgusting.
So true about the beliefs! An area I have a special interest in. Our beliefs play a more powerful part in our health and wellness (or lack thereof) than we realise.
As for the doctor, it highlights the complete lack of awareness and dire state of our healthcare system. The money that is spent in apts like these could surely be spent in others ways🤷🏼♀️
The poor NHS 😢 It’s such a good service but it’s being ran by people who are rich and don’t have our interests at heart.
Amen to that!