What I Wish I Knew Then
Writing myself back to life - The Beginning of a Nu: Era
In late 2016 my counsellor suggested I start writing in a journal at our first session. I was suicidal at the time and desperately clinging on to life. I went out the next day and bought a purple journal especially to write in. It took me several years to realise that it had the words “nu: era” imprinted on the front.
It certainly was the beginning of a new era. Several months into journaling quotes, insights and brain dumping, I came across 50 practices recommended for wellbeing.
One that stood out to me immediately was to write a letter as though I were writing to a friend. It was tricky to get going. The last thing I was doing at the time was speaking to myself as though I would a dear friend. I was blaming myself for everything, believing everything falling apart in my life was my fault and wishing I was dead.
A good few lines in and I found my flow. Once I’d written it I read it and re-read it over and over many times until I started to receive what it was saying.
Dear friend
How are you feeling today? Not as good as you should or how you deserve to feel I bet.
Know that you are loved. Know that you are looked up to. Know that you are thought of very highly, admired even.
You have many friends. A lot of friends that care about you very much. Friends that consider you a close friend, funny, reliable, caring, slim, attractive, successful, wise, loving, generous. You’re everyone’s favourite Aunty; playful, fun, warm, loyal, headstrong, independent, brave, fearless, thoughtful.
Your work colleagues are always praising your supportive, nurturing nature. You are a leader who gets things done, works hard, will do anything to help anyone.
You listen to your team, give them time to do what they need to do. You communicate clearly, empower and do the right thing. You are always fair, always have time for your team. You are approachable.
When times are trying, remember to stay true to yourself, stick to your values and principles. Amber, please know that tough times never last, tough people do.
“You can’t stop the storm so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.”
Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Most people don’t have what you have; a successful career, beautiful home, brand new car, amazing friends, a fantastic boyfriend, a pretty special dress collection, lots of holidays, weekends away, new experiences, the most weddings I’ve ever known anyone attend!
You have so much going for you and so much to look forward to.
The best days of your life are yet to come.
You know that when you made the big decision to move that sometimes you’re knocked off course to set you on to an even better one. That better days are coming.
Just because its taking a while longer doesn’t mean that’s still not the case.
Keep going, you’re doing so well.
You look like you’ve got it all together on the outside.
You’ve worked so hard on the inside these last few months, they’re nearly matching the outsides.
Keep going. You’re nearly there. In fact, you’re doing great.
And you definitely look to be in the right place at the right time.
You’re a woman with a plan. A purpose to serve.
You know that you achieve all that you put your mind to. And more.
What you think about you bring about.
Look how far you’ve come, even in the last ten years.
You passed your driving test. Changed career. Started saving. Paid off all your debt. Received some fantastic training. Changed sector. Distanced yourself from friends no longer serving you. Bought a house. Got a promotion. Got a pay rise. Got a brand new car. Travelled long-haul on the most luxurious holidays. Enjoyed the best and most happiest years of your life.
All this followed what you have over the past 2-3 years been experiencing.
Just think what is to follow this second time round.
You are an inspiration to many. You will go on to create many leaders. You will improve the lives of others. You will add value way beyond what you can presently imagine.
The future is so exciting for you. I can’t wait to be part of it with you.
My love for you spans beyond the moon and the stars.
Sending you some fighting spirit, kindness and compassion.
Much love
Me x
For many years, I’ve read the work of other writers, often wondering if they are connected to the truth of all that which they have written. Do they know the depth of soul intelligence from which they speak?
This is one such letter where I can see clearly the depth of insight, the detail of the knowing, the connect to something far greater. Only I know for certain I had no idea so much wisdom lay beneath the surface.
I was 37 years old at the time of writing myself this letter. I’d spent my entire existence with only being preoccupied by what I looked like, what I did for a job and where I was going partying next.
Not at any point had I connected with the truth of who I was.
I’d never been guided to connect with what was true for me.
This was the very beginning of such a practice.
There were more years to come before I became fully consciously aware that the entire time I instinctively and intuitively knew what I was doing.
You know what you are doing.
How does it feel to receive that message?
What would you write in a letter to yourself?
Allow yourself to write as though you are writing to a best friend, see what unfolds.
I wrote a book
Not only did I write a letter to myself as though I were writing to a friend, I wrote a book on what came after. This letter was written following many years of crippling pain, fatigue (which could be managed with copious amounts of caffeine day and night), a couple of years burnout and a mental breakdown. The book came after finding myself disabled by the illness I’d kept quiet about and the subsequent healing journey that took me on.
It’s a transformative memoir with 3 part journal that I created for you at the end. Teaching you how to unleash your inner power, allow yourself to dream and fly fearlessly in the direction of all you can image, hope and wish for.
Check out the 5* reviews.
I’m so glad I’ve had a chance to dive in and read more about you before we speak! I resonate so much with this post in particular…many similarities! Your wise self saw the future, and that future is now- shining and guiding 💫💖
Wow you have been on a huge journey of transformation, and what a beautiful letter! You must have really had to dig deep to write such words at a time when you were in a habit of blaming yourself for everything. Your insight was there all along waiting to come out, even when you didn’t see it xx