Warrior Weekly: The Aftermath of Overdoing it
The build up of overdoing it, an awareness I was overdoing it and the manifestation of not paying attention to what I knew to be true. Pants.
Monday – 2nd session of the The Warrior’s Path: Unleashing the Warrior Within and reconnecting client friend to her gifts. This session came with repeated confirmation that the Warrior Within had, indeed, unleashed. Ended the session with a nudge towards thinking about a word of the year for next year. Do you have a word in mind for the new year ahead? I’ll share mine when I do this year’s reflections in the next month or so.
An hour and a half walk in nature afterwards to come down from the excitement of this session (the last one was intense, deeply emotional and with it, powerful – so it took a lot for me to come down from that one too). Noticed how very tired I had become, completely exhausted. Went to bed for the 90 mins I had before setting off to visit a regular client to give her a dreamy facial and lash lift.
Tuesday – low level migraine attack to kick start the day. Moderate pain, felt sick all day. Full day in bed with the pain subsiding in the afternoon. Came on my period after thinking I was due on last week and wondering was I perimenopausal? until I realised I’d got my dates wrong! Went to R’s mums, couldn’t eat tea (gutted). Infrared sauna and cold plunge for a couple of minutes up to waste height only.
Wednesday – mild pain returned. Feeling sorry for myself. Didn’t want to do yoga whilst not feeling well. A first for me because I used to be symptomatic at the very least most times I did yoga for the few years that I’ve been doing it. Not showing up was never an option for me – to the point that it felt like something greater than me was carrying me halfway there. I’ve shown up in the worst states imaginable. Jumped in the cold plunge and showered ahead of the session. Breathwork and chanting revealed some sadness to sit with during meditation. Why was I feeling sadness? I hadn’t been listening to myself came the response. I felt overlooked. Ignored. For weeks I’d known I was overdoing it and hadn’t made any changes to pull it back, was saying yes to too much, had stopped saying no. If a migraine attack teaches me anything it’s to listen. I don’t know what the link is between our emotional state and chronic pain and chronic suffering, I only know that there is one. By the end of the session I felt alive again, human.
Regular bodywork client who has prostate cancer had some brilliant news to share. He’d requested a PSA test to make sure that the treatment alongside all the incremental changes he is making are working. He was excitedly called to be informed his PSA test has reduced from 33.3 to 2.9. This, just in 3 months!!! When I asked him what he put this down to, he said the treatment, moving in his body daily with walks in nature, making small changes to his diet/life. I also know he has a focus on research and case studies, as well as root cause of this disease. He’s been working with affirmations to support healing as well as having bodywork sessions fortnightly. To me (in regards to my own health specifically) its an accumulation of allllll the things and not just any one thing.
A later client cancelled their bodywork session with me (I said thank you universe - more time to rest which is what I really need this week) and I cancelled tea with a friend for later that evening (universe I am listening, I am meeting you half way).
Thursday – had a dream last night and when I sat with it, realised it was about self-sabotage. Have I been self-sabotaging my own health improvement? It’s a tricky balance not to beat myself up internally over it, blame myself or to think I could have/should have done better. I want to be accountable and responsible for my health in a way that I see improvement, but I know that the way I speak to myself plays a significant role in my wellness. What are your tips for self-compassion, speaking kindly to yourself and taking care of your needs? Do you see your health as your responsibility or someone else’s?
9am writing class. Also doubted showing up to this session with being in full migraine recovery mode, it doesn’t make for pretty viewing. Braved it in my pjs after seeing the invite come through in the morning to TELL YOUR STORY to someone you love, admire or want to connect with. Who would you tell your story to and what would you include in a letter to them? Why not give the practice a try sometime in the new week ahead? I wrote a letter to a fellow chronic illness warrior that I might title “I’m sick of living like this” (following SEO aligned prompting at the end). What phrases, questions or how to’s have you googled out of desperation with your illness in the past?
This creative process made clear where I was at mentally, because the first few lines in I was thinking “this isn’t my best writing today” only for it to turn into a coaching masterpiece. So that’s sadness, feeling sorry for myself, beating myself up a little, self-doubt and self-criticism that’s showing up for my attention this week. What emotions are calling for your attention this week? Where and how are they driving you towards action?
1pm writing class, The Artist’s Way – session on “Blasting Through the Blocks” where I came up with another emotion to sit with: ANGER. I am angry at what I’ve been through. I haven’t come across this one before. Something for me to sit with, give a little space to. I mean, how can I not be angry at all that I have suffered and endured? Yet all this time and I haven’t come across it until now.
At the end we had to write up a deal with ourselves. I was beaming at the way mine came out for me as it’s changed a lot with how I feel about writing my book now and the energy I give to it. Irrespective of whether or not my book is published, “I’m teaching others as I go and the teaching element is WHY I am doing what I’m doing”. Intrigued by the fact that I always wanted to be a teacher from a young age, now here I am living out a childhood dream. My new online journey, The Warrior’s Path, has been created around the format of the book I am writing in respect of receiving The Wake-up Call, Unleashing the Warrior Within and Finding Freedom. I am living proof of where walking the warrior’s path has taken me, now I’m teaching, guiding and empowering others to do the same. All my dreams have now come true. To the extent that it doesn’t matter if I don’t get the publishing deal or whether this happens in my life or that, because I am already living a dream life here in this moment. I am complete as I am, I need nothing more outside of myself. It’s an indescribable feeling and one that I am so sure is available to every one of us. At the very least I can spend the rest of my life showing what’s possible when you believe in the (seemingly) impossible and leading with my own (expansive) beliefs.
Ended and shared a blog I had written and typed a while ago with some of this afternoon’s insight. I’m starting to receive quite a bit of interest in the book-writing process and have been trying to document the highs and lows of the journey and all it entails. I don’t know where it’ll take me – I have wondered if there’s a book in the journey of writing a book? But for now, there’s a few blogs for sure and this is my first one:
The Journey of Writing a Memoir (in a nutshell)
Worthy of a read if you want to know more about the book I am writing, the feedback I’ve received so far and an idea of the timeline I’m in (not a truth that many people share when they tell you they wrote their book in 2.5 months).
Friday – York Christmas markets for life long magical friend’s birthday. 44 years young. We sang all the way there and back in the car (think Gloria Gaynor’s I will Survive, Mr Brightside and a few screaming/howling cats). Kept warm with a mulled cider as we walked round. Made us all go on the horse carousel, my inner child was utterly delighted. What delights your inner child? How do you know how your inner child is feeling? Couldn’t find the sit down and drinking bit so we ended up in Mal Maison for posh tapas style food which was soooooo good. Bought a handbag and fancy hair bobble from the obligatory Primark stop off on the way back to the car. Had ummed and arrrhed about going with how I’ve been feeling this week but glad I did.
Saturday – chilled Saturday morning in bed. Both did the full moon journaling and meditation ahead of Monday’s full moon. I was very tired, remembered “it’s ok to feel tired”. Reminder that I am in winter week (of my menstrual cycle) too. Went deep into a meditation whilst R was in the shower and went through a whole rack of things I wanted to let go of. Couldn’t remember it all afterwards but it felt powerful on a deeper level.
Bodywork and facial on R revealed the physical impact on his body after several weeks of work stress and a lot of pressure at an exceptionally busy time of year. Could feel the weight of responsibility in his right-hand side shoulder (feeling heavy and less mobile, not much energy flow in there) and his skin had all dried out (feeling undernourished). Wonder at the correlation between his stressful period at work and me running into overdoing it mode (from an energetic perspective)?
Watched Life on Our Planet in the afternoon, narrated by Morgan Freeman. Can’t get enough of the mind-blowing series, even though it goes right over my head. Have you seen it?
First time sauna at R’s house. It’s taken 4 months to get it from his mums to his new home. It’s a definite health win to have access to and a privilege to be able to benefit from it.
Sunday – leisurely morning again. Meditation. Cranked up the Christmas tunes (oh yes it’s that time of year!). Put our first Christmas tree up together. Pleased about our decision to keep it simple and not buy each other presents with no pressure to have this great big magical Christmas. It’ll be magical in its own way. Lots of rest and peace and quiet and stillness with of course a little bit of mayhem. That’s enough for us.
Put up a 5-piece canvas on the stairs. It’s one I’ve had of the beach for years. I remember banging the nails in the wall at my apartment over lockdown. I got sick of waiting for someone to come to my rescue and do it for me (just like I did with my health) so in the end, I did it myself.
If I had one message to leave you with this week, it would be this one:
Space for reflection
My greatest passion is to help others who live with chronic illness find their voice. Part of the work I do around this is to ask thought-provoking questions. Choose one or two below and let’s chat about what’s come up for you in the comments section?
Do you have a word in mind for the new year ahead?
What are your tips for self-compassion, speaking kindly to yourself and taking care of your needs? Do you see your health as your responsibility or someone else’s?
Who would you tell your story to and what would you include in a letter to them? Why not give the practice a try sometime in the new week ahead?
Sadness, feeling sorry for myself, beating myself up a little, self-doubt, self-criticism and anger have been showing up in my days this week. What emotions are calling for your attention? Where and how are they driving you towards action?
What phrases, questions or how to’s have you googled out of desperation with your illness in the past? (Please share as this would really help me title my blogs in a way that would reach others in need)
What delights your inner child? How do you know how your inner child is feeling?
Have you seen documentary series Life on Our Planet?
What are your dreams trying to show you? What’s been your life-long dream? Do you give yourself permission to dream…even just a little?
I love the podcast Happier by Gretchen Ruben (albeit it feels very ableist) but every year she does a one word theme for the year and a list of aims for the following year, so next year’s is 24 in 24 the idea being you do the 24 things (albeit not compulsory and it can include simple things like get a checkup at the dentist). I’m on the cusp of completing 23 books this year, I aimed for 12 the year before so it’s almost double! I’ve never done a one word them though, I’ve always found it difficult. What word are you thinking?
Is R fully in his house 🏡 now?
Send pics of your tree, I love seeing people’s decorations. Mine went up last Friday watching a Irish TV show called the Toy Show, for me a sign Christmas is coming!
Sending lots of love 💗