Warrior weekly: one of my biggest wins yet
Whilst a little on the up and down side, there were such big breakthroughs, insights and realisations.
Bank holiday Monday – R working. Me writing. Lunchtime walk together. Movie evening. Autumn week in full flow. Lower energy levels. Wanting to retreat. I am listening. Noticed a cognitive slowing down in that I’m not remembering names, difficulty taking things in and come across as clumsy.
Tuesday – 3rd section of my book written this week. Back home to mine for the first time in ten days. So good to be home! Milo walk in nature – gorgeous. What a reset. Made a marrow curry with a marrow from a garden that’s been sat on the side for weeks – smells deelish. Catch-up call with my cousin – visit booked in for last weekend in September. Followed cousin’s lead and got a super early night. Phone in living room. Castor oil pack on. Sat in bed and checked in on Claire Baker’s recommendations for autumn week in her book 50 Things to Know About Periods:
- Stress less
- Get more sleep
- Sweat
- Sexual healing
- Love your liver (stay hydrated, cut down on caffeine and alcohol
- Scrap sugar (eat dark choc, bananas and medjool dates)
- Feeling your feelings
Winning on all counts (used to be the opposite). Went to sleep feeling happy.
Wednesday - what a great night’s sleep! I haven’t slept particularly well in the last year, often waking mid way through the night for what can be hours. Not last night. Had no idea of the time so assumed it was super early as normal and did a couple of meditations, one where I received the gift of CALM - lovely. Went into the living room and discovered it was 8:30am already. Felt so balanced after yoga online this morning – grounded, peaceful, calm. Feelings that stayed with me all day. Tidied up my mega mess of a bedroom. This is not like me in autumn week of my menstrual cycle. Regular bodywork client. Milo’s come to stay until Sunday.
Thursday – period started today – day 1 of my new cycle, officially in winter week. Do you track your menstrual cycle? I started tracking mine 3.5 years ago after spending the first 40 years of my life ignoring it. Now I work in flow with it, honour it, cherish it and treat it as the natural human experience that it is. The more in flow I am, the more balanced I feel, the more emotionally well-regulated I’ve become, the more my health continues to improve.
It's also the blue moon today – a super full blue moon. The second one in august, the closest to the planet. Only happening once every few years.
I realised for the first time today that this is where the saying “once in a blue moon” comes from!
2nd realisation: how I’m feeling (a bit meh), a bit distant, not wanting to be “doing” as I haven’t got the energy (even though the program is mentally running away in my mind to “do”) – is how I’m MEANT to be feeling. I’m meant to be a human “being” (not a human “doing”). The difference is that the world as we see it, experience it and live it hasn’t made space for that. I’ve had to make space for it myself. Whilst looking a loon in the eyes of others. Lazy even. Yet, today, here I am, honouring how I feel and I’m feeling a sense of freedom I’ve never known. A sense of wellness, peace and calm I’ve never experienced at this time in my cycle before. The balance and range of emotions that I feel right now is previously unknown to me. Intrigued to see what’s coming. It’s the unknown. Yet, I’m not fearing it. I’ve made space for it. And I’m going to welcome it in. Arms wide open. Ready to receive.
As for the rest of my day: I wrote a blog on feelings. Inspiration that came out of nowhere during a one hour online zoom sesh in a paid for membership I have on here with
on .I wrote 2 sections of my book on
’s one hour writing session that sent as a gift to me this month. I was reminded of the work it takes to write a memoir on such a journey of despair, desperation, isolation, pain and suffering. To be able to take that part of my life and transmute it into a gift for you, dear reader. Well, that has been a monumental journey in and of itself. I deeply appreciated the recognition of the warrior strength it takes and has taken for me to get this far. Writing this book is up there with one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. So much so, it would have been easy to give up (I did for a year).Friday – I’ve had a poorly dog staying with me since Wednesday. Rearranged today’s nails apt and last night’s pamper to early next week so I could make sure he was alright alongside preserving my own limited energy. Both clients happily accommodating. I would never have reorganised things in the past to make life easier for myself. Noticing I’m finding it easier now I no longer have the fear of letting others down or the fear of missing out.
Saturday – head not so good today. In an out of bed, lying down, meditating, resting.
Cold plunge at lunchtime in my new cold plunge pool! The cold water therapy helped ease my head – temporarily. The pain is mild but I can intuitively tell now if a triptan spray will work or not (have been able to for quite some time). Today wasn’t one of those days so I didn’t bother wasting them. If this is all I experience this month, it’ll be a huge win.
Watched 2 episodes of Live to 100. Have you heard of the world’s blue zones? I only heard about them recently. People in these parts of the world are living longer, healthier lives than any others.
The clear themes were:
- Community/tribe/relationships/connection
- Anti-inflammatory way of eating
- Movement
- Purpose
- Fun/play/dancing
- Stress reduction and reaction. Its not that their lives didn’t have any stress or even past trauma, it was their resilience to it and their ability to not stay in a stressful state.
Interestingly, not much of this was party to my life back when I was living a life of fatigue, burnout, breakdown then onto chronic illness. Not having support, particularly and especially on the emotional side has been the greatest challenge I have ever endured. Now all these themes are in full alignment with how I live my life everyday. I have a community of space holders around me. I feel supported, loved, wanted and cared for. And I’ve recovered way beyond what I’m told is possible. I am healthy; physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially.
When I look back, it’s no wonder I was ill to a point where I thought I was dying. I was dying. Slowly.
Sunday - last walk with Milo at 7am before he got picked up and he skipped off without so much as looking back. Enjoyed the 3 walks a day and the cuddles we were having.
Friend Ben came to visit this aft on his way driving past. Didn’t know what my head would be like when he suggested it yesterday but it’s been totally fine all day! I don’t remember when I last had it this good (few more days to go yet mind). Worked out today that it’s been over 4 months since I experienced pain to a high level. I won’t have ever gone 4 months before in the last 25 years I’ve been living with this god-awful disease. How we can say what’s possible and what isn’t possible from a medical perspective when there isn’t a level of interest that would reach so far as finding out, probing and exploring is beyond me. I still haven’t had any medical interest in my case beyond being signed off by my neurologist back in 2019 – at a time when unbeknown to him (and me) I was still chronically ill and unable to function in society.
It did feel like a little something was coming back so I got in the cold plunge for a second time today. So far, its kept it at bay.
