Warrior weekly: An up and down week
Some real lows ending on some highest highs.
Monday – first ever podcast interview and I absolutely smashed it! Couldn’t have gone better. Well, not until my mind told me so later in the week! Hannah Harvey, host of Happily Ever After is a fantastic interviewer and it all felt very natural and free flowing. So glad I got hold of the questions yesterday and all the embarrassment of talking about a sex ban I put myself under the other year - on a show that people will listen to!! – fell by the wayside. Feeling a twinge of embarrassment at reading out my relationship ethics out loud, but feel so sure this podcast is packed full of takeaways for others who might be considering taking some time out of relationships and have no idea where to start. Totally worth pushing myself out of my comfort zone. And I can see a successful speaking career coming my way, I’m only at the very beginning of this part of the journey.
Day 4 of my cycle - head wasn’t so good in the afternoon and overnight.
Tuesday – 4th no-go attempt at a hot air balloon ride, luckily our 2nd that had been cancelled the night before so no wasted trip. Always grateful to make time back when I’m in winter week anyway – still not well. Feeling sorry for myself. Fallen into a trap of beating myself up this month. Telling myself that I should know better, should do better, should have done more. It started on Friday - haven’t felt like this in ages. You forget how far you’ve come sometimes.
In the afternoon I remembered things that really help:
1. lying on my bed, taking long slow deep breaths, affirming “I surrender to come what may. I’ve done enough”.
2. Rang my 2pm client and asked if I could move the apt to Friday. They were more than accommodating.
Randomly asked myself “what would I say to a friend in the same situation?”
“You’re doing the best you can. Your best is good enough” came the reply.
Opened up enough space to do the guided chronic pain meditation I’ve been a huge fan of for years. This method of managing and communicating with pain has helped me transmute severe and agonising pain to an extremely high level to the mild to moderate pain I now experience. Not done it in a little while. It made such a big difference, the pain shifted completely. Why didn’t I do it earlier? A little more beating myself up here but a sizable shift in the direction I’m wanting to go. Every win counts and god damn it I’m gonna find some more.
Happy Lionsgate. Received an email for a free online Lionsgate celebration…a shamanic drum journey with conscious breathwork. Did it, loved it, went on a real journey, was even dreaming about it in the night. That’s got to be some seriously deep healing.
Wednesday – usual online Wednesday practice after a slow start to the day. As always, just what I needed. We’ve been checking my body’s alignment through my feet each week. What was, in some way, previously balanced to a lesser or higher degree, completely went out of whack with my knee injury. The arch of my foot on the left side was completely collapsed to compensate and the weight over on my right-hand side/hip. Each week we bring it back more into balance. Something I wouldn’t have bothered doing after a fall/injury.
Continuing to thank my lucky stars that I have put support and provisions like this in place for myself on the back of all I’ve been through. No matter what, I keep showing up each week for the benefit of me, for the benefit of my health and now, for the benefit of my future self.
Session ended with a 15-minute silent meditation which took me on a journey of another kind to last night’s. Huge insights came through, including letting go of the push/force/strive culture that we’ve become caught up in. I still have plenty to work on, but this is no longer one of the areas. I live my life and work in flow and alignment. As a result, things run much more smoothly, life is easier and more balanced. Certainly a lot less stressful. A win I didn’t see coming. I no longer strive for perfection. I am much happier to meet myself where I’m at and be there, in the present moment – wherever that may be. This is huge.
Made it to my sister in laws surprise hen do, hen do number 2! To make anything at this time of the month is amazing and worthy of celebration. Such a lovely afternoon in the garden with family, new friends and all the kids.
Thursday – bodywork client before friends arrival for a retreat with me day at lunch. A mini one she’s going to book in every month where we meet for a walk and talk, have lunch and she has a treatment or 2. Lovely!
Had a conversation with R about how his energy is worlds apart from mine. He bounces out of bed at 5am every morning to get stuck into his morning routine before a full day at work. He has high energy all day everyday and only notices any slight dip around the full moon. He reminds me that 10 years ago he lived a life of confusion, brain fog and thought that something was wrong. Approaching change in the same way that I have – one at a time and only a little one at that, imbedding that before moving on to the next one – he has more energy, clarity and vitality than he did in his 20’s and 30’s. When I’m not getting caught up in the “not enough-ness”, it shows me how far I can take this.
Friday – pedicure client then nails (rearranged from the other day) down the road. All before London baby! 3:30pm train to visit friends. Thai green curry to kick start the night before a walk to The Moon Under the Water pub. What a day! Can’t believe how much I’ve turned this week around! Haven’t wanted to say until now but I’ve been moving away from a ten-day window to a 7 day window each month. Meaning the rest of the month I am thriving (more or less) with only one up and down week. Only at the beginning of last year (then many years previous) was I losing 2.5 weeks each and every month completely to 2 attacks. 6 days would be bedbound where I was unable to speak, eat, drink or move. Now I have 7 days where I experience odd days with mild to moderate pain. I can function in a way I never could previously and still do the things I enjoy and want to do. As my fellow warrior friend reminded me this morning, I‘ve done this without medical intervention or treatment (though I have to say, this wasn’t for the want of trying. I pursued it for 20 years before I realised I was on my own and I either stay disabled or find a way out).
Saturday – walked to the park at my friends but ended up in Costa due to the rain! Enjoyed a late lunch in an authentic Italian before going back for the rugby. I had a bath and a little rest. It was a late night last night and I wanted to make the most of there being a bath now I no longer have one - I do really miss them at times. Played the game What Do You Meme? before bed. Have you played it? So much fun!
Sunday – early start so we could spend a full day in London being the tourists that we are! Also so that my friend could spend a day with her fiancé and us not encroach too much on their time – she’s just started maternity leave and he’ll be back at work again.
We booked the London eye and riverboat cruise a while ago and walked to the Shard for a drink and afternoon tea – what an epic day! A total blow out for R’s birthday which was at the beginning of the week. 4:30pm train home where I rewrote the outline of my book and set out intentions for how I want the rest of the book writing process to be so that I can overcome procrastinating!
And on that note, time to get this sent out (a day later than usual) and get cracking on it!
One thing I’d like to leave you with this week is, on a scale of 1-10, where would you say you are on a physical, mental, spiritual and emotional level? Grading separately for each.
I’ve done this a few times now and am usually fairing high. This week I started at around a 5 for each, maybe 4 mentally.
Towards the end of the week, it moved back up to around a 7 across the board.
Share in the comments and also consider checking in to see if there’s any change for you at other times of the week/month.
Lovely to read your updates Amber! I’m holding on for those hot air balloon pics - sure that time will be the right time!! ✨✨🙏