The Phoenix Rising
Confidence, clarity and what’s coming.
The energy for last week was around alchemy, growth and transformation. At the start of the week we opened space in our Healing Through Writing circle lighting a candle, one for each energy.
I later went on to read that Friday’s new moon has 3 archetypes alongside it being new moon in Scorpio and the week of the witch; the scorpion, the eagle and the phoenix.
The impact the energies and my humanness had on me last week led to me being symptomatic on Tuesday all morning, Wednesday all afternoon and Friday early morning.
Largely through overdoing it but also in conjunction with old thoughts, beliefs and wounds surfacing.
Back in spring I was guided to launch a series of circles over the week of the witch. Having never had previously heard of the week of the witch, I really knew nothing of what this offering was to be or why I was being guided in this way.
I was part way through my circle facilitation studies, investing large sums of money in my training (again), knowing that it was in full alignment with my vision, where I am going and what I needed to help support me in getting to where it is I want to go.
Each circle was designed and created entirely from guidance - in alignment with training on holding space and setting the scene in such a way that all those in attendance feel seen, heard and understood. Connecting on a deeper level and tapping into something more, something unknown and yet in this space meeting needs that weren’t visible, or possibly even aware of or known before joining.
Every time I went to practice holding a circle of this nature, even in the safest of held spaces that I was in, I felt anxious and very nearly didn’t go ahead on one occasion.
On Monday last week, I began work at 8am and overbooked myself that day. Leaving little space to take care of my needs and allow for any rest after a busy weekend - all as I was crossing over from winter week into spring (a transition which has previously and at times, been one of my most challenging).
My energy levels have increased significantly in recent months and it remains ever the tricky challenge and every bit the balancing act I have always found it to be, dating back to chronic fatigue and chronic pain days.
The wound of “not enough” was surfacing. Made manifest of not feeling good enough to hold circle, not feeling there was “enough” interest or “enough” in attendance or that I was generating “enough” income to cover my outgoings.
It was a subtle manifestation and yet so loud at the same time. Gently gnawing away at me, with every thought, feeling and belief casting a shadow over me.
Come Tuesday and the 1pm start time of our “learning to let the body lead” circle, I felt nervous. Not of what I was about to deliver – I’ve witnessed the shifts and the transformations that this circle has been the catalyst for during my practice runs of it. But out of it not being habit. And of doubt clouding my mind. Clouding my judgement. Disconnecting me from my ‘knowing’ from my true feeling. The regulated, in balance kind of feeling. Leaving me feeling an imbalance with a knock on effect to me mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
By the end of the first circle, each in attendance identified their need to be in spaces of this nature. Acknowledging that they had never experienced anything like it.
“Beautiful space Amber.”
messaged Juliana immediately after.
In processing all that had surfaced later in the day, I realised that the tension in the back of my head cleared during the latter shares, all of which centred around the theme of gratitude.
On day 2, I was feeling an energy around my head on the right hand side of us “doing something wrong”.
What I’ve come to witness in circle is that there are often inter-linked themes. Its as if there are threads bringing us all together. No matter the size or number of people in circle, there is a reason each being is there.
There is a reason why they are in attendance with the others in that space at that time. Sometimes it becomes clear sometimes it doesn’t.
So many themes arose over the 3 days; neurodivergence, gratitude, relationships (with parents, with loved ones), the witch wound, relapse/flares, changing symptoms and the need for circle in our lives.
Being asked inside and outside of this offering, when is the next one? “I couldn’t make this one and I very much wanted to” or “I want and need more”.
All the while, I had no idea where this was really taking me/us and what on earth was to come next. My trust waivered, it wobbled a little earlier in the week. I soon made tweaks and adjustments, paused a little – enough to bring myself back to centre.
I must trust. I can be patient until the guidance reveals itself.
Its safe for me to be in the unknown.
And reveal itself it did. The unknown became a little more known. Trust and patience paid off.
Here’s what’s coming next
1. Every Monday I already offer circle – though it is a little different to the offering of last week. We open the space together, ground through a short meditation, arrive as we are – all masks off – chat for a few minutes then write for 44 minutes. We share how we feel about what we’ve written before closing the space at the end.
This morning, we all jumped in at the deep end, talking about book writing, autism, ADHD, masking and feeling trapped in our emotions.
A poem was written, big questions were asked and journaled upon, deep insights and reflections were made.
Assistance was provided to a relative to help with their advertising.
I began this piece not knowing where it was going, finding it quite tricky to share how I was really feeling about launching a series of circles last week.
“That was a lovely session this morning. I’m so glad I joined.”
Shared Amanda immediately after. Feeling into her need for it and an alignment with Healing Through Writing, she jumped in and joined straight after the first circle on Tuesday.
“Joining Amber’s Healing Through Writing space is the best thing I’ve done for me all year”
mentioned Sarah a month or 2 back.
2. It’s become clear that The Power of 3 circles has many references and connections. Not least to there being the 3 archetypes this month (the Scorpion, the Eagle and the Phoenix), 3 (main) energies in the last week (alchemy, growth and transformation) and 3 circles as part of this one journey. A journey is what I always hope to take you on with my writing, with what I share with you and with each offering.
It is looking likely that I will hold 3 of this type of circle and journey 3 times on an annual basis. 1. Over the week of the witch (29th-31st October). 2. In alignment with the Chinese and Lunar New Year end January (dates tbc) and 3. 20th to 22nd June over summer solstice.
3. Free to Be Me will be my new monthly offering. An integration of my circle facilitation studies, yoga teacher training and bodywork massage therapy. A concoction of meditation, movement (seated or lying down), massage and breathwork all in circle style. This will be an offering that is yet to come into existence (possibly anywhere in the world?) and one in which I hope to launch in the first week of December. Let me know if this one speaks to you in any way, I’m intrigued to know.
To top off all the unfolding of the need for spaces like these and the clarity of what’s to come next, I received this feedback from
author or.It can be difficult to articulate a concept such as circle when most of us have never heard of it before, but this demonstrates its power in a nutshell:
“I’m really so grateful as I have been in such a dark place for the past few weeks and there’s really not much help out there that has made a difference. In these 3 sessions you’ve reignited that spark of myself that I thought was lost and it’s changed my outlook and given me strength and hope.
This sounds really exciting Amber ☺️ x